I received a Dutch translation of the book "The subtle art of not giving a f*ck: The counterintuitive approach to living a good life" by Mark Manson for review from Managementboek.nl. As I'm now member of the jury of Management Book of the Year 2018, I don't want to review books that could potentially be a candidate for the longlist or shortlist. That's why I asked for a translated book to review, those won't qualify for becoming Management book of the year (books have to be written in Dutch). Looking at the title of this book ("The subtle art of not giving a f*ck"), I wasn't sure if it is a book that I would like. After reading it, I have to say that it has useful advice and that it's better to ignore the title (and the f* words). My review (in Dutch) can be found here. For this blog, I've translated to English, so it could be the case that I'm using other words than the English version of the book, which I didn't read.
Mark Manson doesn't like self-help books and self-appointed gurus. Their advice even works the other way around: the more you make a fuss about, for example, being happy, the more unhappy you will become. Manson calls this "The law of reversal".
Most people give too much f* about situations that don't deserve a f* (f* words are Manson's, not mine). Manson did that too. In his book "The subtle art of not giving a f*ck", he teaches you to figure out which f*s really matter. 'Not giving a f*' doesn't mean being totally indifferent. The better question is what to give a f* about. Setbacks are simply part of life, but we should rather focus on a greater purpose than to worry about all adversity towards that goal. Manson wants to help you get a clearer picture of what you really care about.
For example, for your emotional health it's better to accept that you're average. We all are, although the media want us to believe that we are exceptions. Media show us the extremes, what feels like the standard that we should meet. At least. There is nothing wrong with the average.
It is a human characteristic to measure oneself against others. If you want to change how you view problems, you will have to change what you value, according to Manson. 'Self-improvement' is nothing else than choosing the right values. And good value is realistic, socially constructive and inherent and manageable. The rest of the book, Mark Manson goes into five values that he thinks are most useful. I selected the first: take responsibility for what happens in your life.
This value is about choices (I blogged about choices before, it triggered me while reading this book): how we interpret a situation and how we respond to it. If we choose a problem ourselves (running a marathon, for example), then we feel good about it. But if it is forced ('You are going to run a marathon'), then we feel like a victim. Nobody is responsible for our emotions, we are only that ourselves. This is also a great value for falling back on terrible events. It is no coincidence that it is a characteristic of resilience. Get out of the victim role, no matter how comfortable it feels, and choose to give a fuck somewhere else. Simple, but not easy.
"The subtle art of not giving a f * ck" came from the blog of Mark Manson, where you can continue reading if this book was not enough. As a reader you have to look through the f * words, but then it is a very readable book, full of self-deprecation, which also contains useful things. With this I place this book in the 'self-help' category, even though Mark Manson hates self-help books.
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